| Wednesday One-Liners, for Purely Medicinal Purposes |
[11 Nov 2009|03:00pm] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020902.html Guy wearing a promotional cardboard to another: I think I'm going to treat myself to health insurance next month.
--Broadway & 43rd St
Overheard by: Maria
Woman on phone: My urologist wanted to stick a microscope up my urethra! (pause) No! (pause) Because it's going to hurt!
--Vandam St & 6th Ave
20-something woman on cell: Yeah, the doctor told me not to exfoliate my labia.
--R Train
Overheard by: Note to self....
Bartender: I gotta get sexy for my doctor tomorrow. I'm gonna be like, "doctor, I need you to examine me. I need you to remove my garments." Nah... I'm just playin'. My doctor's cute, though. For real. I'm just gonna show some cleavage or somethin'.
--Jamaica, Queens
Woman on phone: She wants to be a doctor. She likes it when the guts fall out. (pause) No, she wouldn't do that. She's too lazy to be a serial killer.
--Fox Newsroom, 6th & 48th
Overheard by: Newsbunny
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| Wheresday One-Liners |
[11 Nov 2009|12:00pm] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020901.html NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here's Grand Central!
--Broadway & Waverly
Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn't sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don't even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?
--1 Train
Overheard by: amalthya
Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don't understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don't know where that is!
--Penn Station
Overheard by: queenofscots
Guy on cell: I don't get it--why go all the way to Ireland if you're not going to go see Stonehenge?
--Costco, Brooklyn
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?
--85th & 1st
Overheard by: Special K
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| "What What (In the Wednesday One-Liner)" |
[11 Nov 2009|09:00am] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020900.html Girl to teenage posse: Either the pen was really weak or his butt was really strong.
--Jackson Heights, Queens
Overheard by: Newsbunny doesn't want to know
Crazy guy to self, after average woman walks by: Damn, that was a fine ass, a fine ass, that ass was so fine I'd eat a sandwich out that ass!
--36th & Broadway
Overheard by: Dingleberry
Large grown woman to grown man: I thought you have all sorts of butt magazines...
--34th & 8th
Guy to girl: I like it when you wear jeans, girl! It's like your ass is gift wrapped!
--33rd & 7th
Older woman to younger woman: If your booty deserves the credit, give it the credit!
--Central Park
Overheard by: Hell Yeah Give it the Credit!
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| Wednesday One-Liners, Hosted by Rackspace |
[11 Nov 2009|06:00am] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020899.html Woman on cell: He was here for ten days and he only touched my boobs twice!
--Penn Station
Overheard by: and my girlfriend would be upset if it were 10 minutes
Old thug passing three fat chicks on their way to a club: Explosion of titties!
--Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn
Hipster barista guy: A boob is just a moisturized bag of skin, seriously!
--Think Coffee
Overheard by: its to early for this conversation
Full-on punk guy: Dude! Shit is so good! I just want someone to squirt tahini all over my tits!
--St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Dahlia
Girl on phone: Wait! What? No! Well, I do shit a lot. But I don't want to shit my boobs away!
--Times Square
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| Wine and Wednesday One-Liners |
[11 Nov 2009|03:00am] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020898.html Female college student on cell: Sorry, there was an incident. She was eating string cheese, and I told her she looked like a walrus. So she tried to smack me in the face but she couldn't, and I ran into the bathroom. So she tried to hit me with the string cheese, but I was like your string cheese will get all fuzzy. So she smacked me in the face with the cheese.
--Penn Station
Girl on phone: And then I stuck a string cheese in the microwave. Yeah, in the wrapper.
--57th & 7th
Sexy guy, looking at orchestra program description of movement "con brio": Does that mean "with cheese"?
--Camerata Notturna Concert, W. 57th St
Overheard by: Ladle
Older European woman to another: She's fine with the reference to cheese. I mean, she can eat cheese, just not the real kind.
--Union Square
Hipster: So she writes everything down in her cheese diary...
--Bedford & 4th
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| Wednesday One-Liner Is Performance |
[11 Nov 2009|12:00am] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020897.html 20-something woman on cell: So I'm like, "Be a man and go in the ladies' room!"
--19th & 7th
Overheard by: tycho anomaly
40-something suit on cell: Why do I have to be the girl?
--University Place & 14th St
Overheard by: rich
Meathead: To the point where the hottest women in Thailand are men. But I mean, no homo or anything.
--Uptown 5 Train
Overheard by: Can't vouch for this
Woman on cell: So yeah, men and women are different. Anyway...
--High Line Park
Overheard by: hudson williams-eynon
Guy, looking at friend's iPhone: Ugh, I really didn't need to see shemale penis today.
--99 Below Restaurant
Overheard by: Calvin SC
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| Which Goes Well with My Skin |
[10 Nov 2009|09:00pm] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020896.html Girl wearing leggings as pants: I love your watch... does it flip open?
(frail elderly woman looks confused)
Girl: That, your watch.
Frail elderly woman: This is my life alert. If I fall, I can call for help.
Girl: Oh! Uh... well, it goes really well with your outfit.
Frail elderly woman: It doesn't come it any other colors. Just beige.
--Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: misskitty
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| What Is It About a Loser in a Bandana? |
[10 Nov 2009|03:00am] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020890.html 20-something dude with lame Bret Michaels bandana: Come on babe, let me walk you home. Actually, fuck it, come over and watch a movie with me, I got some beer.
Unattractive older blonde: Nah, can't, I've got work in the morning, and I'm already wasted.
20-something dude with lame Bret Michaels bandana: Aw, you know I'll get you up as early as you need to get to work on time. You know I will. Plus, I'm pretty drunk, but I'm your cousin, so you don't even have to worry that I'll try to stick my wiener in you!
Unattractive older blonde: Well, alright.
--Grassroots Tavern, East Village
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| Raise Your Hand If You're Gonna Start Using That |
[10 Nov 2009|12:00am] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020889.html Woman on bus: Hey, when are we gonna leave here--Christmas?
Driver: Lady, hold on.
Man on bus: He's probably watchin' porn.
Woman on bus: Yeah, stop beatin' your meat.
Driver: I'm waiting for my supervisor to give me the go-ahead.
Woman: Well, I'm gonna miss the ferry, so tell your stupidvisor I don't want to miss the ferry.
Driver: Did you just call him a stupidvisor?
--Chamber St. Shuttle to South Ferry
Overheard by: Jon
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| Top Ten Reasons Why Gay Marriage Should Be Illegal |
[09 Nov 2009|01:35pm] |
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Nico - These Days |
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(written by Laura Kathleen-Redman, found here)
01. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
02. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
03. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
04. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all like many of the principles on which this great country was founded; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
05. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of marriages like Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
06. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
07. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
08. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
09. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
And as far as #1 goes, something like 90% of the world's species participate in homosexual behavior. If that doesn't at least earn it the title of "natural" I don't know what will.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexual_behavior_in_animals
I look forward to the day when Americans decide to abandon their bigotry toward their fellow man.
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